“It feels so weird, I mean, I am feeling like there’s
something missing, there’s something I ought to be doing right now and not
whining my time away sipping tea here with you”, I said as I simultaneously
tried to conjure the ingredients of that tea by its smell.
“Exactly, it has been a heck of a week. I think that we still
can’t believe the end-sems are over”, Vijay replied.
“Let’s do something; I can’t control this urge anymore”
“Yeah, let’s do something crazy today. Propose her!”
“What? And propose whom… you know I am never going to … well
I DON’T LOVE HER at the first place”, I gasped at the first glance of the
knowledge that the godforsaken topic is back. We have been in debate over this
topic several times before, may be not directly but arguments have already been
shared and I have mostly been on the losing side. I didn’t know how to reason
out of this position against a person who just won’t give up even against a
statement as categorical as ‘I don’t love her’. I knew he would cajole me into doing this and
that’s what haunted me.
“You don’t know yet. She is a good girl. Moreover by
doing this we will know what she has in mind for you.”
“I don’t care what she thinks of me”
“Then why did you ask me to tell her that it wasn’t your
fault when you ignored her at Madhuban”
“It wasn’t, you know that”
“That’s not the point; the point is that you care”, the
mild grin on his face was the proof that he has already won the argument. “Come
on now, don’t be a spoilsport. It would be fun, look at the consequences, what bad
could possibly happen… you don’t love her anyway… if she says yes, you will
have a girlfriend and if she says no, then you are already better off without
her”
While I sat there contemplating, he continued, “Have you
ever proposed to any one yet… No? Then this is a fabulous chance to practice.
Do it bouy”
And I kept contemplating still… “Well atleast let me call
upon your sense of humor”… Now the word humor has a specialty, it can thrash
any logical argument, however strong it may be, posed by the mind against a
decision in a single blow. And that’s what it did to me. “Okay, let’s do it for
fun.”
“Then call her now
and tell her that you love her”, Vijay’s smile now had a sheepish pleasure
attached to it which I thought was meant for her.
“Okay, here it goes… calling 9818…”
“Hey…”, she replied in her sweet voice.
“Hi, how are you… busy?”, guessing by the noise from her
side I asked.
“Yes a bit right now. Anything important?”
“Yes actually, when will you be free?”
“Give me 20 minutes”
“Ok, bye then. Call me when you are free.”
“She says she will be free in 20 minutes”, I exclaimed to
Vijay.
“Well then let’s rehearse the dialogues, tell me what
you’re going to say to her”, replied Vijay
“I can do that, there’s no big deal in it. I don’t need a
rehearsal for this”, I said casually when Vijay guessed it from my glib reply
and interrogated further in his frank tone, “Ok, but what are you going to say.
Atleast tell me something”.
“I will say that I like her and have grown fond of
her… blah blah..”
“And where’s the part when you say those three words…”
“Well it’s easy…. I uhh… I …”, and so I stammered for a
while and finally accepted and simultaneously realized to my own surprise that,
“I can’t say those words to her”
“I knew it. What’s the big deal in it? Say it.”
“I can not”
“Why”
“Because I don’t love her”
“So What”
“So, I just can’t do it. I don’t feel it”
“Just give it a try. You don’t have to feel it”
“No I can’t. It’s like my throat’s closing up. I am
feeling anaphylactic”
“Oh stop making excuses. Just do it.”
Tring tring…
“Oh my god, it’s Mausam. What must I do?”
“Disconnect it. And now listen to me, tell her how you
feel and let the rest go with the flow. When the time comes, read the letters
that I show you. Is that fine?” Vijay asserted.
“Yeah I can do that”, I replied, looking for a
justifiable confidence in myself.
“Then relax and call her”
“But what if she says no?”
“So what? You don’t love her anyway. Now call her or I
will kick your ass”
Calling 9818…
“Hey, tell me now. I am free”, Mausam answered the phone.
“Yeah, but don’t laugh at me. This is serious”, Vijay
patted my shoulder in agreement to the fore-statement.
“Uh-hmm ok”
“Uh, I-think-I-have-fallen-in-love-with-you”, I read
through the letters that Vijay pushed in front of me.
“Ohk, since when?” she asked in a casual tone of voicing
out the question. The only emotion attached to her tone was a guilt felt care
towards me.
“I dunno… since last 2-3 days I suppose”
“I don’t know what to say”
“You might want to repeat what I rea… said to you and end
it with a confessing too”
“But you are too good to lie to”…. (That hurt! & this reminded me of something that happened on
Valentine’s Day. I asked her out that day when she had replied, “Are you crazy….
Don’t you know what they do to any boy-girl pair spotted together. They marry
them off”
“So what, we will
get married…. It will be fun”, I went on with the conversation.
“I don’t want to
marry you”, even though I had no intentions to marry her, that reply made me
curious to ask…. “But why”
“Because you don’t
talk naughty to me”…. Later that day I had harried Vijay to tell me how to talk
naughty and whether it was a prerequisite to attract girls or not.
On that day as
well, I was disheartened even though I wasn’t deprived of anything that I
desired.)
“That’s
heartbreaking”
“I already have a boy-friend”
“Where is he?”
“He is with me right now”
“Oh, then accept me as a Boy-friend who don’t talk
naughty to you”, I gave a final desperate try to win an argument that shouldn’t
have been.
“Again, you are too good to be anybody’s second bf. You
are a very good boy and I am confident that you will find a nice girl for
yourself soon”
“Oh thanks, and I must tell you now… that it was all a
prank. Vijay asked me to do so”
“Oh dear Lord! You almost gave me a heart crunch…
Beep Beep Beep….
“She hanged the phone!”
“I know. Was it necessary to take my name”, Vijay looked
at me with anger.
“Ofcourse, I don’t want her to think bad of me”
“Look…. I told you that you love her”, Vijay grinned as
the unending war had started again…
Even though I care for how you feel about me, Mausam, I
don’t love you!
